Dad's Another Year Older Today!

Today, Dad is 83 years old. Wow! What a life he's lived. He lived through the depression, having grown up in Arnaudville, Louisiana. Times were tough, that is for sure. When he was in the 3rd grade, he acquired a shotgun. He told his dad that if he allowed him to quit school, and got him some shotgun shells, that he would be sure there was always meat on the table. Being of Acadian decent (his ancestors came from Nova Scotia) and raised a cajun, although the family was extremely poor, they always managed to eat. The Cajuns are a tenacious bunch of people. They will grow their own vegetables and fruit, and go out and kill meat for the table. He served in the Navy as a Gunner's Mate in WWII, in the Battle at Normandy. He hitch-hiked from California (or where-ever it was that he was discharged from the Navy) all the way to Louisiana. Met and married my mother in 1950. Yep - they have been together 58 years this December. There were 5 kids in my family. With his limited education, he was able to feed and cloth us all. I went to a Catholic school from the second grade through Graduation. We had a nice home - 4 bedrooms, 2 baths, in a nice neighborhood that had plenty of kids to play with or fight with... Every payday, he'd hand over his paycheck to my Mom; she'd give him $20 for the week. Each weekend, he'd leave to go to his camp which was on the banks of the Atchafalaya River (and next door to Whiskey Bay Hunting Club). This was right across the river from the Sherbourne Wildlife Management Area. He worked in New Iberia, LA, and after his step father died, he stayed with his Mother during the week, and came home on the weekends. He did this until she passed away. Then, one day, life began going down hill for him - as life tends to do. He's had to bury his 2 sons; he had his license taken away because of his eyesight. These past few years have been especially tough for him. He's got an underactive thyroid (tie-rod), cataracts (cadillacs - which is actually macular degeneration) and Parkinson's. He's been getting progressively weaker. When I mentioned his birthday to him last night he said: "Big deal! I'm old; can't see; can't eat; can't say what I want to say... I'm a lump on the log and a burden to everyone!" Wow. I asked him if the whole time I was growing up, did he think I was a burden? Because this is what family does; we take care of each other. I explained that I am happy to do this and glad I am able to. He worries about my being there so much - does Kent get angry? And my transporting him and Mom to their doctor appointments. He's worried I will lose my job. Well, I have explained to him that Kent is nothing like my first husband, Ricky. Kent is secure in himself and is not afraid to share me with anyone (except another man....). Kent understands the importance of family to me. And, there is a thing called the Family Medical Leave Act which guarantees I can keep my job and take them to their appointments. It made me sad to think he is feeling this way. I don't blame him, no! I'd feel the same way. He has always been a social guy (but Mom never understood or appreciated his sense of humor, and therefore did not like to socialize with him), but he was able to do this at his camp or his Mom's house in Henderson, LA (which is spitting distance to Breaux Bridge). Now, he can't drive, can't read the newspaper, can't hardly see TV, and is stuck in the house with Mom. I think he would benefit from an Assisted Living Facility, but he and mom aren't interested. And I am not going to force the issue. Well, for what it's worth: Happy Birthday, Daddy! I love you this much! Jeaux

Control

This morning, as I was in the shower, I was thinking... My Mom has always been in control. No, not that "in your face - it's my way or the highway" kind of control. But, she: designed and decorated the home I was raised in from 1965 through 1983. She arranged all of the rooms (deciding where furniture would be, what color, etc); bought our clothes; decided what we were to have for breakfast, lunch (if we were home at that time of day) and dinner. When I married in 1983, she took over my wedding (and I'm pretty sure she did this for my older sisters as well) - deciding on the color of my attendees' dresses, my husband's tuxedo, even my wedding gown. She decided where it would be held and who officiated. I did not mind a bit. In fact, I thought that was how it was supposed to be, she did it all so flawlessly. When my boys weren't old enough for school, she took care of them. When they started school, she took care of them before/after. I knew they were in good hands. Besides, I would much rather pay someone who I KNOW cares about them just as much as I do, than I would some old day care. Then, she began having back problems. I realized she was having difficulty, so I began leaving the boys with her less and less. But, it seemed to me, that she is the type that HAS to have some ONE or some THING to fuss over, or her life is not fulfilling. So, I did my best to show her she was appreciated and needed. Fast forward to April 2008. The diagnosis of the BIG C. This has exacerbated her back pain exponentially. I am not sure if it's because her bones are all brittle (her back doc's explanation) or the effects of chemo (her oncologist's explanation) or the effects of radiation treatment (her radiologist's explanation). Most likely a mixture. Because of her high pain levels, she takes strong medication. This has left her with absolutely NO control what so ever. No control over her bladder (she can't walk fast enough to get to the potty), no control over her medical care (Deb made the appointments while she was here; now I do), no control over where she goes (I am NOT about to let her drive in her current state - no siree! She falls asleep standing up for goodness sakes! But I tell her it's because she can't move her legs quick enough to drive). No control over what she buys (I get her groceries; Kathy handles her finances). No control any where. So while I am there in the shower, I was wondering how I would feel if I were in her shoes.... I am aggravated enough as it is because, due to my own back problems and the pain that comes with it, I have no control over my own activities. Sure, I can continue doing things I know will only cause me more pain, but it's only because I CALL THE SHOTS. Not my pain. Well, okay - most times the pain wins out, but it's a tough win, let me tell you! My point being, all this control has suddenly (in a matter of months) been taken from her. After watching her all these years, I'd think she'd be happy for the break. But, I'm not so sure. I'm not saying I will let her drive herself anywhere. Well, if I see she is well enough, I'll take a trip with her and let her drive, maybe. And, I am quite happy with Kathy handling her finances. Sometimes, the medication she takes makes her want to shop through magazines or home shopping TV stations. That's not good. I'm just saying that I am going to try and let her have control over SOME things. I will have to be sure to do that. Love to all Jeaux

E/R Visit

Mom has still been complaining with her back hurting her. I was going to bring her to the E/R on Friday evening after I got in from work. She decided she would wait and go Saturday instead. Well, long story short, we didn't go. She was just not feeling well enough. SO, yesterday, she had made up her mind she wanted to go - just couldn't stand it any longer. After her radiation treatment, we went on to E/R at Our Lady of the Lake. When we arrived, it was Mom and I, plus I guess one or 2 others. Then a gent came in after us (none of us arrived by ambulance). So, within a few minutes she had been through the triage and had a bracelet and instructed to wait in the waiting room to be called. It took about an hour and then once we got into a little room, we were there about 5 - 6 hours. I explained why we were there, and allowed Mom to answer as many questions as she could, only adding important details she may have not remembered. The staff taking care of her were great; the nurses, orderlies, doctor.... The xray showed there are no broken or fractured bones. The doc explained it's most likely the nerves to her legs are very irritated by either a pinched nerve at L5/S1 (the very bottom of her back) or degenerative disc disease. So, all in all, I am glad we went. We were fortunate to have the last MRI she had done in September, I think, for them to compare the current tests with. It was on a CD! Cool stuff this technology! So, that's my small update. I will write more later. Thanks for your continued prayers and support! Love to all~ Jeaux

November 2008 Update #1

Mom is currently in Week #3 of 5 weeks worth of radiation treatment. She seems tired.

She's been complaining about her back hurting. In August, or maybe September - not long after her last discharge from hospital - she had fallen. After complaining with excruciating back pain, Deb brought her to E/R and had an x-ray/MRI done. Turned out, she'd fractured the L5 (or maybe S1) vertebrae. The doctor performed a kyphoplasty which is a procedure where he injects a cement-like substance into the fracture. She's complained with a great deal of pain since that mishap.

Her ankles/feet had swollen up big-time again. We had her doc prescribe some fluid pills. She is taking these daily in the morning. The swelling seems to have gone down.

Deb has gone back to Alaska. She left 10/28. She'd arranged for Comfort Keepers to come everyday (either in the morning or afternoon), but they can/will only transport Mom to appointments 3 times a week. I bring her Monday/Wednesday. On those days, Comfort Keepers comes in the morning. The rest of the week, they come in the afternoon. Because we are in the infant stage with CK, there's some tweaking to be done with visits, transportation, etc. Mom was all stressed about it. So we discussed it. I asked if she felt like she had company coming and needed to entertain. She said yes. I explained that she will get used to the idea these gals are here to assist with whatever she needs help with.

I guess she thought once the cigarette nazi (Deb) had left, that I would be more flexible. WRONG. I give her one pack of cigarettes. This has to last until I see her again the following day. She seems to be doing well. Deb devised "visual aids" for her so Mom could stretch out her smoking more affectively. Deb has 4 cigarette boxes. They are marked: Midnight to 6am; 6am to Noon; Noon to 6pm and 6pm to Midnight. Each pack has 5 cigarettes. If she borrows from one, she has one less to smoke during that time period. I take the 6am to Noon and Noon to 6pm and put them in the spare bedroom. That way, she has to go all the way in the room to get a smoke. I also put 3 or 4 extras either on the dresser in there, or on the night stand. Kind of like a scavenger hunt. Something to stimulate her brain cells I guess. They are never in the same spot twice. My intent is to gradually decrease the number of extra cigarettes I put out for her once she's done with her daily allotment. And also the same with the ones in the packs until she is hardly smoking at all. And then, hopefully, not at all. We'll see if this works. Probably won't but, gotta start some place. Besides, it's always better to aim for the stars than to shoot down a well. At least you hit higher!

Dad. Dad's been having difficulty swallowing. Has been for years. Food gets "hung up" in his "hernia". He's got some upper gastro problems and someone has to come to the house to teach him how to swallow (apparently, he's been doing it wrong all these years...?) She helps him work all those esophagus muscles, coughing, clearing his throat, she watches him swallow, etc. He drinks out of this huge bottle that has a built in plastic straw. She said no more straws. Yikes! Also, she said rice is not good for him to eat. No more rice (double YIKES!). Needless to say, Dad doesn't much care for her! He is also having physical therapy come in once a week to work his legs and ankles. Deb had scheduled an eye doctor appointment. He has macular degeneration. The good news/bad news is that he likely won't go blind. Bad news: surgery won't help. So, Deb ordered some glasses for him and this special lamp that sits behind him to add more light to his reading material. I took Dad to get his glasses/lamp. He was under the impression that BAM! He would be able to read again. Sadly, not the case. He has to re-train his eyes to read. He was disappointed and I think put out by that. He wants to read very badly.

All in all, I've been pretty busy between their home and mine, and travelling the interestate back and forth, and working my job. Plus, piano, band, baseball, etc. No time to be tired or catch up on my sleep. We had sustained a bit of damage during Gustav and for 2 weeks had construction guys at our home. The lead guy is Mexican. Speaks with an accent. He's kinda cute. His wife is sweet as can be. The 2 guys he had do the job (roof, inside ceiling, sheet rock, painting, etc) were also cute as could be. Neither one spoke much English. One was Spanish (I think) and the other Brazilian... Hunky guys. They said it'd take about 3 days to do the job; turned out to be 10 and they are still not finished. That's ok. It'll give us time to build up our funds for the extras we want to do. We also had our carpet in the den ripped out and put in hardwood flooring. Additionally, the pecky cypress wainscoting we had in the den has been ripped out and the walls painted over. The room has been transformed! Looks great. September 12, 2008, Kent had a mishap at work and broke his ankle. He's been laid up on crutches since then and has undergone corrective surgery - complete with plate and screws. He was recently put in a walking boot, but is still not full weight-bearing. Won't be for at least a month. He's ready to get back to work. Staying home is great but only a day or 2 - a week tops. After that, things get monotonous and a person kinda gets cabin fever. Plus, our dog, Jacques, was poisoned with anti-freeze (by a stupidly cruel neighbor who did not like strays in his yard) and I had to have him put down. This was in October. It's been a very stressful time for me these past few months.

Well, that's it for now. Hope you all fare well until I post again! Take care and if I don't post before then, I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving!

kisses, hugs and much love ~ Jeaux

UPDATE on Mom

OK. First things first: Apparently, this doc Mom saw about the suspicious areas in her right breast feels these areas are likely fibroid in nature and really nothing to worry about at this time. He would like to check again after she does the radiation. He's not keen on biopsying these areas after what all she's been through recently. Dr Nyboer (Neurosurgeon) says her bones are dried up and look like swiss cheese or a sponge. Naturally she is going to have problems with this from here on out. Dad has COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) which is likely due to second-hand smoke. Or, maybe even exposure to asbestos or other pulmonary irritants from his years of working as a plumber/pipefitter. Mom INSISTS it is not due to her smoking in the house. In fact, she states that if she is going to die from smoking, so be it. "What about the effects on Dad?" I asked. She says "he will just have to come along with me". Like he does not have a choice. Sheesh. Debra, Kathy and I checked out an assisted living facility in my area. Real nice place. The one-bedroom unit was very nice. It's pricey and even with the Veteran's Administration paying a portion of Dad's bill, it would still take up about 95% of their monthly funds. They'd have practically nothing left over for groceries. Meals are included in the monthly price, but Mom likes to cook and the units have a kitchen area with a stove for cooking. After my sisters and I reviewed the place, there was a question as to whether Mom and Dad would actually "fit in" with the "class of people" that were there. So, we can explore other options. MomandDad's doctor doesn't think they need 'round the clock care/attending/supervision. Maybe just a few hours here and there. He is not a jerk, but a hard a$$. I wanted him to approve a motorized cart for Dad because I worry about him on uneven surfaces - not so much around and inside the house, but so he can go beyond the porch. Nope. He said Dad needs exercise. I agree, but disagree on his decision. Makes me mad. But again, these days, just about everything makes me mad. I just don't feel the medical community is doing what all it could for them and I feel like things have begun to spin horribly out of control. On a positive note (I like ending with these if possible), Dad says he's feeling much better than usual. I know alot of that has to do with Deb being there and making sure he is taking his meds faithfully and regularly. I only had Mom's word to go on that he'd been taking them; thinking she was giving them to him but she was only putting the bottles on the counter for him to take. OY! Well, that's it for now. I think I've covered everything. I will post more as information becomes available.

Mom's Not Looking So Hot

Debra had asked me last night to check Mom for my opinion on the normality of her appearance. When I walked in, she was sitting in her chair, all bent over, like she was either looking for something on the floor, or had fallen asleep. Nope. Definitely not normal. But then again, in this stage of the game, maybe it IS normal? Her ankles and left foot are swollen again. Maybe a tad bit confused (getting words mixed up) and speech is slurred again. I know she isn't overmedicated, Debra is doling out her medication to ensure she isn't double dosing (because of her poor memory or confusing night time with day time). It looks like her back muscles aren't strong enough to support her. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that's the only way I can describe it. She needs inpatient treatment. Maybe an inpatient rehab hospital/facility where she can be checked on round the clock. She always does well after a few days in the hospital, but that's structured and someone is there to help her with whatever the crisis is at the time. But within a few days after discharge, back to the same ole, same ole. She will be seeing her Neurologist/Pain Management doc tomorrow - Dr. John Nyboer. He's a great doctor. Compared to Dr. Billings anyway (her oncologist). Granted, her lung cancer has all but disappeared but his "bedside" manner sucks. Deb had asked him for a copy of Mom's records, and he questioned her as to why she wanted them. She explained she is going back to Alaska and would like something to document she was here tending to Mom while undergoing treatment for cancer. He said "Alaska? That's a Welfare state." The nerve. Forget the fact of whether it is or not; what gets me is the audacity of him to make that statement. We have requested her records 3 times, and for some reason, he does not want to let go of them. Makes me wonder and question is professionalism. Well, I'll try and update after Mom's visit with Dr. Nyboer. It's difficult for me getting information second-hand rather than from the doctor, but that's just me. Keep praying. Love to all~ Jeaux

Update to my update....

I have just been notified by Debra that a CT scan performed on Dad is indicative of Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD). So, her remark to Mom about the gastro-intestinal problems being a result of second-hand smoke may have not been all that far off after all. If you don't mind, please keep him in your prayers as well. I will update further on his condition as well. Thanks again! Jeaux